Shattered

As most of you know, I just went through the break-up of the most serious relationship I’ve ever had.

I got it out.  I wrote a song and got it out.

It was the most difficult thing I’ve written in my entire life, but just pouring it out onto a sheet of music helped.

Shattered” was a departure for me.  Normally, I write songs in a linear fashion.  First the intro, then the verses, then the bridge, then the chorus, then the refrain, then the solo, then the outro.

But with Shattered, it came together piecemeal.  It was a bunch of different ideas floating around in my heart that I just poured randomly onto paper and audio.  Slowly, methodically, I began piecing it together – a little here, a little there, a bit for the chorus, a bit for the solo, a bit here, a bit there.  As I adjusted one part, I had to go back and refit another part so that it flowed.  It was very much one step back and two steps forward.

Which is ironic because that’s how this healing process is going to be.  I have to find the pieces that fit and put them where they belong – a bit for trust, a bit for forgiveness, a bit for hope, here a little, there a little.  I’m going to stumble and will be forced to step back and readjust an emotion or two to make myself whole again.  It will be one step back and two steps forward.

I’m not healed.  Not by a long shot.  But I’ve taken the first steps in putting the shattered pieces back together.

I’ve defeated opium.  I’ve defeated tobacco.  I’ve defeated alcoholism.  Each time, I put my life back together piece by piece.  And when I was done, the sum was greater than the parts.

I may not be healed, but I’ve started the journey.  And I know myself.  When I start a journey, I’m unstoppable.

Thank you for reading my blather.  This helped me understand my process more deeply.

This was cathartic.

-VIS

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