Find you a girl who sets you up to mansplain.

Today, I was talking with my girl and I said, “don’t worry your inferior, pretty little head about it.”

She replied, “what’s ‘inferior’?

Oh, you gem of a girl!

I love to mansplain.  I absolutely adore it.  But I find girls don’t ask the right questions.  They don’t ask me to explain stuff they already know.  But since my girl loves when I mansplain to her, she asks ridiculous questions.

And I love her for it.

Find yourself a girl who sets you up for the simplest mansplains on earth.  She’ll get the thrill of your condescending tone.  You’ll feel like you’re teaching her something and, let’s face it, men love to teach girls.

And girls, if you’re not setting him up for an opportunity to mansplain, it’s you who’s missing out.

-VIS

VIS mansplains “dominant” and “submissive.”

You see, there are two kinds of people in this world.  People who lead and people who follow.

People who lead are called “dominant.”  They make sure everything is under control.  They care for you, protect you, provide for you, and give you rules to follow so that you feel safe.  And you love to feel safe, don’t you?

People who follow are called “submissive.”  Submissive people follow their leader and they do as they’re told.  They’re soft and very, very polite.  They enjoy pleasing other people, so it’s natural for them to obey when someone tells them what to do.

Dominant/submissive relationships mean that you have at least one dominant person and at least one submissive person in a relationship together.  It’s a little more (hmmm … “complicated” is a big word) … there’s a little more to it than that, but that’s basically how it works.

See?  Simple enough for even a girl to understand.

Good girl!

-VIS

New on vintageinstepford.com – Notifications for new posts

I just realized that vintageinstepford.com did not have a way of notifying subscribers that a new post has been made.

I have changed that.  Now, whenever a new post is made on the site, you’ll be notified via email.

I’m not sure if there’s a way to opt out.  I would think so, as it’s legally required as far as I know, but I haven’t tested it fully so I’m not positive.

I’d love to hear your comments about notifications on the site.  Let me know in the comment section of this post.

-VIS

Let’s Redefine The Word “Feminism.”

We see it all the time – feminism redefines a term.  It has attempted to redefine the term “family.”  It has attempted to redefine the term “equality.”  It has attempted, and succeeded, in redefining “rape” and many other terms.

So I propose that we, in the Men First movement, redefine the term “feminism.”

Here is the new definition of feminism in the 2019 version of the “Men First Concise English Dictionary”:


feminism

noun [ U ] / US /ˈfem·əˌnɪz·əm/

1.      The belief that men are superior to women by virtually every scientifically measurable metric.

2.      The belief that women are inferior to men by virtually every scientifically measurable metric.

3.      The belief that, because of their superiority, men have a moral duty and social obligation to protect women, and to provide for them.

4.      The belief that, because of their inferiority, women have a moral duty and social obligation to surrender their rights to the man of their choice in return for the privilege of serving him.

5.      The belief that women are more empowered when they stop struggling for equal rights and adopt a feminine, demure, and submissive way of life.

6.      The belief that Patriarchal culture is best for everyone, including women.


If feminism is going to redefine terms, Men First can redefine them, too.

-VIS

Help Her Grow.

One of the most important things you need to focus on with your traditional girl is her personal growth and overcoming some of her fears.  Carl Jung said that the best way to overcome a personal fear is to face it.

If she’s afraid of heights, take her into a building to the second floor for several days in a row. The next week, take her to the third floor for several days.  The next week, the fourth floor and so on.  If you don’t have a tall building nearby, have her lie down, close her eyes, and imagine these things.  Slowly, as she confronts her fears, she’ll overcome them.

I’ll give you an example.

My girl, Christina, was incredibly envious of my interactions with other women.  If I would so much as laugh at something another girl said, Christina would get quite upset.

But slowly, I showed her that my interactions were completely harmless and her jealousy began to subside.

In fact, Christina’s jealousy has swung the other way.  We’ve recently been talking about adding a second girl to the relationship and becoming poly.  And it’s all because Christina confronted her fears and stared them down.

Your number one priority in your relationship with your traditional girl is to help her grow.  If she’s not growing, she’s just cruising through life, and that is unhealthy for her and for your relationship.

It’s great when she’s a good girl, but it’s healthier when she’s an even better girl.

-VIS

Women screwed themselves over royally.

For millennia, women had it made – staying in the safety of the home, having everything provided, focusing on things they love like cooking, baking, and sewing … ah, the good ol’ days.

And then suddenly women think, “oh wow, we can do all the things men can do!

So despite the obvious flaws in that logic, such as the fact that woman are physically weaker than men (Bishop & Cureton, 1987), that women have 8 – 13% less brain mass than men (Ankney, 1992), and that women are, on average, 3.75 IQ points dumber than men given the same brain mass (Van der Linden et al., 2017) women decided to pursue “equal rights” – the right to work like slaves for some stranger for 40+ hours per week, the right to not have anyone physically attracted to them, the right to not have someone provide for their every need … you know, important rights.

Women had it made and ended up royally screwing themselves over.  Studies show women’s absolute happiness and happiness relative to men has been declining drastically for 35 years (Stevenson & Wolfers, 2009).

And why would they give up all that happiness, safety, and fun?

One reason – and men have known it since the dawn of time:

Leave it to a woman to screw things up.

-VIS

Alcoholism Recovery Update – December 27, 2018.

I passed the big test. I spent Christmas at my parents’ place.  Alcohol was abundant, but I didn’t touch the stuff.  I was even offered a glass of Sherry (my greatest weakness) and said, “no thank you, I don’t drink.

It’s been 54 days without a single drink of alcohol.  Yesterday, on the way back from my parents’ house, I had to pass by the liquor store – the very liquor store I’ve been avoiding for 50 days.  Nothing.  No urge to go in and buy something.  Nothing.

Life seems to be getting back to normal – whatever “normal” is when you’re sober for the first time in 30+ years.

This is getting easier, but I don’t want to let my guard down and slip, so I’m ever-conscious of my weakness for alcohol and I’m finding ways to occupy my time beside drinking.

If I can make it through Christmas, though, I can make it through anything.

-VIS

Beg Him.

Many girls underestimate the power of begging.  And by begging, I don’t mean, “pretty please?”  I mean getting down on your knees, weeping, and crying out, “please, Sir!  Oh God, please!  I’ll do anything!   Absolutely anything!  Please!

Now of course, if you say you’ll do “absolutely anything,” be prepared that he’ll take you up on that offer and demand you do absolutely anything.  But cross that bridge when you reach it.

True begging is fiercely passionate and is almost like an act of worship – the more emotion you show, the more likely it is that you’ll get what you want.

Begging is one of the ultimate signs of submission – lowering yourself before your god and begging for mercy is a sign that you honor his authority and his right to make decisions for you.

Sincere begging takes more than sweet words; it takes a genuinely submissive heart.

-VIS

Don’t Buy Her A Roomba For Christmas.

Don’t do it.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Oh, a Roomba will save her time on vacuuming.”  Big mistake.

For one thing, your traditional girl probably finds the repetitive motions of vacuuming soothing.

For another, vacuuming fills up her day.  When she’s vacuuming, she’s busy.  And a busy girl is a good girl.

You want to buy her gift she’ll really appreciate?

Get her a Dyson and watch her eyes light up on Christmas morning.

-VIS

Merry Christmas!

As most of you know, I don’t celebrate Christmas (I celebrate Hanukkah), but I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas.  And I don’t mean “Happy Holidays.”  I mean Merry Christmas!

Have a great time and please don’t drink and drive.

This is Malinda Kathleen Reese in a cathedral in Montefrío, Spain, singing the famous Christmas Carol, O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

Lyrics:

O come, O come, Emmanuel!
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel!

-VIS

The Gentleman’s Times – Helping Her With Her Anxiety

As a gentleman, helping her cope with anxiety is your obligation.

You may think her anxiety is her problem, but anxiety can make people do some pretty bizarre things.  One second, your traditional girl can be mild-mannered and calm, the next she may be verbally attacking your best friend for interrupting you.

Behavior during a panic attack can be quite erratic and when it happens, it not only affects you, but your relationship with her and with others. It’s important that you understand the best coping strategies so the two of you can effectively tackle her anxiety together.

When she begins to withdraw into herself and is suddenly quieter than usual, that’s usually a sign that her anxiety is rising.  This is not always the case, however.  Some girls become louder, meaner, more obnoxious when their anxiety level rises. If her behaviour seems to radically change in a short period of time, she’s probably dealing with an anxiety or panic attack.

There are two very important things that you can do to help her when this happens.

First, always carry a very small bottle (15 ml / ½ ounce) of lavender essential oil.  It cannot be lavender oil, or lavender scented oil, but must be lavender essential oil.  If you have it with you at all times and you notice a change in her behaviour, force her to stop whatever she’s doing.  Reach for your bottle of lavender essential oil, pull off the cap, and force her to smell it.  She must take deep inhales through the nose.  Lavender essential oil is not intended for internal use, so don’t ask her to swallow any, just have her inhale the scent through the nose deeply 3 or 4 times.  That should soothe her anxiety over the following three or four minutes.

However, if the anxiety or panic attack is severe, it’s important that you take her to an isolated place, away from everyone else and make her stand facing a blank wall. Command her to breathe deeply while you gently assure her, “I’m here, I’m here.”  Do not touch her.  Often, people suffering from an attack do not wish to be touched.  Just let her stare and breathe deeply, and reassure her that you’re there for her.

At any given time, I have a refillable inhaler that I carry with me.  Sure, I could ask Christina to carry it, but she doesn’t always have her purse on her, she doesn’t always have pockets on her clothes, and, let’s be honest, trying to get her to find her inhaler in her purse during a panic attack would be impossible.  Girls may have their entire lives perfectly organized, but their purse will always be a disaster, so I carry the inhaler in my pocket and make sure it’s always filled.

Wherever Christina and I go together, I always scan the area for the closest handicapped bathroom in case she has a meltdown.

Why a handicapped bathroom, you ask?

Handicapped bathrooms are well lit, they’re usually empty, and they have plenty of floor space for the two of us.  Once we’re inside, I force her nose into a corner and order her to breathe deeply while I stand back and watch.  If I don’t feel she’s breathing deeply enough, I’ll remind her in a calm voice, “breathe deeply.”  When she focuses on her breathing, she can’t focus on the anxiety.  Throughout the breathing exercise, I remind her softly, “I’m here … I’m right here.

Within 4 or 5 minutes, the episode is over, and we can get back to what we were doing.

If your girl suffers from anxiety, it’s vital that you not only understand what anxiety is and what triggers it, but also how to relieve her symptoms.

When you took her, you agreed to better or worse.

Anxiety is about the worst she’ll get.

But when she shows you her gratitude for helping her and being understanding, she’s at her best.


Helping Her With Her Anxiety, The Gentleman’s Times, (Dec. 2018).  Copyright © Vintage In Stepford™, December 2018.  All Rights Reserved.

Be Specific.

Your traditional girl, despite all her talents, is not a mind reader.  She really, really wants to be a good girl, but if you don’t tell her exactly what to do in order to hear those magic words, she feels lost.

Give her clear, concise instructions on what you want done and exactly how you want it done.  Keep the instructions brief.  She shouldn’t need to write it down, she should be able to keep your instructions in her memory.

Once you’ve given her the instructions, ask, “do you have any questions?

You need to ask this so that she can clarify anything you may have omitted.

Help her be a good girl.  Be specific.

-VIS

Her Anxiety is Your Problem.

Let’s be honest, girls have anxiety.  Studies have shown that women have a higher likelihood of having anxiety and have it more severely than men.  And if your girl has panic attacks, they can devastate her.

It’s your responsibility to help her avoid them.  So let me give you an example of how I dealt with my girl’s imminent panic attack last night.

My girl dances for a major ballet company where I live, and it’s Nutcracker season.  She had a major part in front of a huge audience last night, and she mentioned that she felt like she wanted to run to the nearest exit.

So I took her by the arm and literally dragged her to the nearest private bathroom.

When we got inside, I said, “put your nose in that corner and breathe deeply until I tell you otherwise.

She was confused.  She didn’t understand why she was getting a time-out.  But, being the submissive little thing she is, she complied with a sheepish, “yes, Sir.”

She stood in the corner for two minutes.  Every time I didn’t see her breathing deeply, I just commanded, “breathe deeply, I said.”  As the seconds passed, I kept telling her, “I’m still here.

At the end of four or five minutes, I commanded, “face me.”  She spun around.

Her face was colorful again.  Her panic attack had been averted.

It’s gone?” I asked.

She nodded with a smile.

Just because she has an affliction, doesn’t mean she has to handle it herself.  On the contrary.  When she has any kind of issue, particularly anxiety, it’s the man’s job to bring her down to earth.

That’s your job.  That’s why you’re the man and why she’s the girl.

-VIS

More Structure = Less Stress.

So your traditional girl is stressed to the max?  Her anxiety is climbing, she’s having a difficult time dealing with everything going on in her life, and it seems like she may fall apart at any moment.

It’s your first instinct in such a situation to relax the rules and broaden her boundaries, but that would be a huge mistake.  At times like that, your girl needs more restrictions to feel safe.

When her world starts spinning out of control, the only real safety net she knows is that the boundaries and rules you set upon her give her comfort.

For example, let’s say you’re talking to her while she’s in a stressful situation and you give her a piece of advice.  She replies, “yeah.” Don’t let that go.  Call her out on it.

It’s not ‘yeah’, little girl,” you remind her.  “It’s ‘yes Sir’.

This is called protocol.  How your girl addresses you and the formality with which she responds restricts her language and her thoughts.

When her thoughts are restricted, she can’t overthink.  When she can’t overthink, she can’t get overwhelmed.  And when she can’t get overwhelmed, it’s easier for her to face the task at hand.

To your girl in a difficult situation, more structure = less stress.

-VIS

Alcoholism Recovery Update – December 19, 2018.

46 days sober and the pressure for Christmas is building.  I don’t celebrate it, but my family does, and I’m planning to spend it with them.

Strangely, I’m handling the stress better than I thought I would.  I thought that once crunch time hit, I’d be freaking out, begging for a drink.  I’m not.  I’m calm, I’m cool, I have a lot to do, but I know I can handle this.

I’m sorting through the emotions with the help of my girl who, even though she has enormous stresses on herself right now, has been a Godsend to me.  She helps me process feelings I didn’t know were possible.  She’s a great distraction too.  Taking care of her needs makes me focus on someone else instead of feeling sorry for myself.

And I’m taking steps to break off the relationship with alcohol.

I absolutely love Perrier, but I’ve stopped drinking it because it reminds me of beer.  When I go out, I avoid going by the liquor store – I make a conscious effort to take another route and enjoy the scenery of the less-traveled roads instead.    I forgot that I carry a flask of homemade gin in my briefcase.  I found the flask, dumped the gin, and threw the flask into the garbage can in the garage so I don’t have to see it.

You know, it’s kind of like breaking up with someone.  At first, you’re in denial, thinking you’ll figure out some way to fix everything.  Then you start to bargain with yourself (”maybe if I just cut my alcohol intake”), then you get angry, then you start to accept it.  Grieving, in a sense, but very much like breaking up in that, eventually, you purge your home and your life of everything related to it.

Even my treasured Guinness glasses have gone into the recycling bin.

I’m sure there’s going to be days ahead – many of them – where I think I just can’t take it any more and will crave alcohol.  I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  But today, it’s a footrace between me and the demon alcohol and I’m Usain Freaking Bolt.

I’ve got this.

-VIS

Comments open on vintageinstepford.com

Up until now, you had to be signed up and logged in to leave comments on VintageInStepford.com.

I’ve changed that policy.  You no longer have to be signed up and logged in, but your first comment will await approval.  Once your first comment is approved, you can comment all you like without your comments being moderated.

We’ll try this for a while and see if any other changes need to be made to the comment section.

-VIS

Don’t ask her if she’s tired.

Girls don’t like to admit they’re tired.  They don’t really ever want to go to sleep.  What they want most it to serve you, see a smile on your face, and hear the words, “good girl.”  And if they can sacrifice sleep to get it, they will.

If you believe she needs sleep, don’t ask her if she’s tired – just tell her to rest against you.  If she falls asleep, so much the better – just pick her up and carry her to bed.

Asking “are you tired?” will get replies like “no” or “just a little.”  But when you can see it in her eyes and she denies it, it’s time for her to “just rest.

Sometimes, you know her better than she knows herself.

-VIS

You people are awesome.

Since I started my blog on bdsmlr.com, I’ve received nearly a dozen messages from followers who have told me they support me in my alcoholism recovery and that if I ever need to talk, they’re there for me.

This is a virtual world.  And truth is, you don’t know me and I don’t know you.  Yet you’re there for me while I go through this.

I’m not much of a talker about my feelings.  Never have been.  It comes out in my music and in my writing.  But the fact that many of you would offer an ear to me astounds me.

You people are awesome.  Every single one of you has a heart of solid freakin’ gold.

Thank you all SO much for your support.  I’m genuinely grateful and humbled by the outpouring of love.

You’re awesome.  Never forget that.

-VIS

Submissive Girls Are Like Pressure Cookers And Spanking Is The Release Valve

You’ve spanked her and she’s crying. She really crying – way more than she should. You’re beginning to panic. “Did I hurt her?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Was this a bad time to spank her?

The answer to those questions is no, no, and no.

Girls are like pressure cookers. They let things build and build and build until something finally releases the pressure. And when that pressure is released, it’s released in torrents.

Sometimes, when you spank her, you force her to release all of the pent up frustrations in her life; work, school, family, relationships, responsibilities – all of the frustrations that have built up can come flowing out in one spanking session. It’s actually therapeutic. Once she cries it out, she’s better able to handle it all again. Emotional cleansing is called catharsis and your girl needs it. Often.

So don’t worry if she’s bawling after you spank her. Cuddle her, remind her that you love her, and just be there for her.

And now and then, hit that release valve.


Originally published 2017, republished 2018. Copyright © 2017, Vintage In Stepford. All Rights Reserved.

Alcoholism Recovery Update – December 17, 2018.

Just a quick update on my recovery.

It’s been 44 days.  I haven’t touched alcohol in that time.  Someone offered me “the most delicious homemade beer in the world – better than Guinness!” and I turned it down saying, “I don’t drink anymore.”

I’ve completed one of the 3 songs I was working on, I’ve managed to construct my Bdsmlr page, I’ve been there every moment of the day for my girl, I’ve lost 4 more pounds, my workout exploded and I tripled the distance I was walking and the number of reps I do with weights, my creativity continues to heighten, my testosterone is up, my anxiety is almost non-existent, my sense of smell has dramatically increased, my eyesight is getting better, my cognitive abilities have heightened … I could go on and on about how well my body is responding to a lack of alcohol.

And here’s the best part: I’m no longer craving alcohol.  In fact, some days, the thought of alcohol doesn’t even cross my mind – like yesterday.  I don’t recall thinking about it at any point in the day.

I’m learning to process emotions I’ve never felt before.  I’ve never felt them because I drowned them in alcohol.  But I’m learning to handle them.

Temper?  What temper?  My bad temper has completely disappeared.  After my brain got over the initial shock of being starved of alcohol, I don’t anger as quickly or react as badly as I used to.

And the money.  My lord, the money.  I’m definitely on target to buy the thousand dollar watch I want in February.  If I include the money I would have spent on booze during the holidays, I’ll have money left over after I buy the watch to buy a $400 Roman coin I’ve had my eye on for some time.  And that’s just booze money.  Nothing extra out of my income.

So what does this all mean?  Giving up booze was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.  It’s been tough – Lord, it’s been tough.

But the rewards are worth the price.

-VIS

Consensual Gaslighting

Gaslight her with phrases like:

“You’re such a silly girl.  That never happened.”

“That’s funny … that’s not what you said last week.”

“You don’t seriously believe what you just said, do you?”

Once you have consent, make her question herself for your personal amusement.

After all, she’s just a toy.

-VIS

sissyslutbou asked:

Don’t know if you have seen this but I thought you might enjoy it

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/women-who-stray/201812/feminists-think-sexist-men-are-sexier-woke-men

*****

Thank you.  I hadn’t seen this particular study about feminists, but I have seen numerous studies (and I mean over a dozen) that “well meaning” or benevolent sexist men are considered more attractive.

My own girl, for example, was a raging feminist and SJW when we first met.  I mean, we’re talking hard-core feminist.  We had long conversations about feminism.  Slowly, she grew quieter about it over time.

But I asked her about her thoughts on feminism today and she told me she didn’t want to talk about feminism because it makes her head hurt.  “I have you,” she told me.  “I don’t care what happens outside of us.  You’ll take care of it.”

That’s the attraction.  Benevolently sexist men are natural providers and protectors.  We lift the worries and stresses off of women’s shoulders and take them upon ourselves.  It seems to be an almost instinctual reaction for women to be attracted to a man who is sexist.  This is backed by a study by Gul and Kupfer (2018).

As I’ve often said, I’m sexist, but not a misogynist.  I love women.  The fact is, women are inferior.  And that’s not just opinion.  I have mounds of data to prove that by almost every metric, human females are clearly inferior to human males.

And it’s because women are inferior that men are obligated to provide for them and protect them, just as we would any other inferior creature – like a pet.  Men have a duty to women that is in our DNA.  Just as it is in a woman’s DNA to serve, nurture, care, and empathize, it is inherent in men to protect, provide, and defend.

And most women, no matter their social views, find that sexier than a man who believes in equality of the sexes.

-VIS

Understanding my posts

I always use the pronoun “he” for the dominant partner and “she” for the submissive partner. Why? No other reason than brevity. If I try to cover every possible relationship style, sexual orientation, pronoun, etc., my posts would be 10,000 words as opposed to 100.

But please don’t for a minute think that I’m excluding anyone when I write. It’s literally about keeping my posts concise and brief. No other reason.

Traditional Gender Roles isn’t exclusive to heterosexual couples. You can easily adapt stuff I suggest and apply it to your dynamic and orientation.

These are suggestions. Not rules. They’re guidelines, not laws. Use your best judgement, apply it however you see fit.

Nobody will be offended. And even if they are, screw ‘em … they’ll get over it.

-VIS

We Don’t Value Your Opinions

Oh sure, on some stuff, men value your opinion. Would the kitchen look better in red or black/white? Does this tie or this tie look better? What kind of Christmas tree should we get this year?

But let’s face it, when you start talking about important issues – politics, business, finance – we tune out.

It’s not that you’re not worth listening to, it’s that 99% of the time, your opinions show that you’re ill-informed, or that you haven’t matured enough to consider all factors involved.

So what should you do instead of spouting off opinions?

Smile, be pretty, and get back in the kitchen.

We’ll call you when we need you.

-VIS